I always imagined being a parent was going to be so magical. You see those perfect families on the TV. With their huge clean houses, and well-behaved children. When my front room looks like a toy store, with dolls and cars thrown everywhere. The cushions all pulled off my sofa, sausage roll squashed into the fluffy blue rug. I sometimes think
“Am I doing this right?”
I can’t be the only one dealing with the reality of parenthood. So, here are a few examples of what I have learnt over the last 8 years.
Potty training sucks
My first 2 daughters were so easy. It only took them a matter of weeks before they completely nailed it. My son is a different story. I thought I had mastered potty training, I had done it twice before. how wrong I was, I’m pretty sure I have scrubbed poo out of the front room carpet three times in the past week.
Dinner times will involve a few tears
Rule number one of keeping children alive, feed them. However much they disagree and wish to survive on kinder eggs alone. I can be standing by the oven for hours, making the most amazing looking roast dinner, only to serve it and be told
“I don’t like this! I want something else’.”
I need shares in mac and cheese the amount we go through.
Baby wipes are multi purpose.
Need to clean the table, tv stand, a stain on the carpet? Baby wipes, every time.
Tidying up with a toddler in the house
It’s like eating an Oreo whilst brushing your teeth. You clean one area, then turn around and the place looks like a demolition site again. Just wait until bedtime now and save myself the hassle.
You won’t ever see the bottom of your washing basket again
And if you do reach the end you will feel like you have made a huge achievement. Until that is the kids get home from school and fill it up with chocolate and mud-covered uniforms again! The cycle is endless.
If something goes missing it has likely been shoved under the sofa
From shoes to remote controls, it’s all under there. I once found a melted chocolate bar that had squashed between the sofa and the radiator, after someone tried to hide it.
Pick your battles
If your daughter demands to go shopping dressed as queen Elsa its best to avoid the screaming and tantrums. Allow the snow queen to do as she pleases. Just let it go.
Tv makes a great babysitter
If you need 2 minutes of peace. Having a wee alone whilst the children are watching some questionable characters in a night-time garden, is like a mini spa break.
Siblings are going to be the best of friends and the worst of enemies
They can go from loving each other to beating each other with toys in seconds. You can’t avoid it; it’s what they do.
You need back up!
A final and most important lesson. Choose an item that you love, whether that is wine, or chocolate etc and hide it. Then get backups and hide that too. Trust me you will need it. After the trauma that is bedtime. How is it everyone becomes ‘starving’, dehydrated, pain riddled and bursting for the toilet as soon as those lights go out?
If you recognise any 1 of these 10 everyday parenting truths, then congratulations you are completely normal.
Now, where did I leave my wine glass?