Every parent knows about the juggle struggle! But, wow has it been a hard couple of months! I think we’re through the messy middle for now. I’m almost ready to look back and attempt to laugh, maybe smile? Ok more like possibly, awkwardly raise a smirk. It was all just getting too much. Too too much!
First Penelope hit her 6 month marker. I was NOT ready for that. I still hadn’t got my confidence back. It was totally knocked from under me when she fell sick at just over 3 weeks. How could I let that happen (mental mum guilt slap). Then there was the waiting for my first year at uni results, which now I realise, who farking cares, it’s first year. But when you’re in it, in the midst of stress and worry it’s everything (slap). The house problems (slap), money problems (slap), no sleep problems (slap, slap), hating being stuck problems. Then it was Hallowe’en, bombfire night, Christmas, New Years and suddenly 2018 was gone. It had just gone so quickly. Slipped through my fingers. It was like I was screaming to get off the ride, but my screams were being mistaken for wanting to go faster, and faster and faster and faster until BOOM! I just jumped, face planting the floor at 100MPH.
But something amazing also happened
Amidst the morons arose a team of people who without me even having to wave a flag noticed my absence. The people among the weirdos that just gathered without a hoorah or glory march. That just stood shoulder to shoulder with me, without even having to speak. They just nodded or winked to let me know: Us too kiddo, but it’ll be ok!
If there’s one thing I’ve learnt since Lady P entered our lives it’s that you’ve got to have a support network. The ‘you are enough’ affirmations are all very well and don’t get me wrong I (we) are. But it really is the team work that makes the dream work! And size doesn’t matter, no really! I mean it’s the motion not the ocean, right!? But you need to have support! I’m still learning to take time out, without slapping myself. Without worrying that it means I hate being a mum. Which I do sometimes (ducks to miss that incoming slap), but that’s ok. I’m desperately trying to get better at reminding myself it’s in no way a sign of failure or weakness, it’s a mark of strength. The ability to demand what is best for me and mine and know when things are just getting too much.
These past few weeks I’ve felt all over the place, but this week (especially) thanks to a combined support network of online buddies & the hairy dude in this pic, I’ve been able to come off the subs bench and jump back into the game. And I’m good again for now. But anxiety is a relentless bitch and I know she’ll be back. I’ve just got to find away to out play myself. To build an army of strength within me. So that with every returning wave I’m prepared. Ready to reduce her down to bug size and swot her back like the annoying fly she is.
It took a lot to practice what I preach and address my mummy blues.But by not keeping mum and sharing my feelings and the most scariest of thoughts I gained so much help and support.
We can all get by with a little help from our friends (and family). Be kind to yourself!