Baby Proofing

Just writing this quickly while also waiting for my ebay bids on various baby gates to come through.  They warned me about this stage, I scoffed, not me I thought.  But then yesterday the above happened!

I know, I know how irresponsible of me for taking a photo before taking action and yes those are my breast feeding vitamins he’s trying to hack his way into.  My names Naomi and I’m a first time mum.  I can almost hear the sigh of ‘ahhhhs’ rings out in chorus across the nation from all the 2+ parents, they know the struggle is real, they’ve followed the 7 stages of grief (the loss of your ‘life’):

STAGE 1: Denial.  ‘It’s just a kid, I’m still going to be the same person, no reason why I have to change…pah!-Why you looking at me like that?’

STAGE 2: Guilt.  ‘I’m a terrible parent why did I not prep better for this moment! How will A&E mend this graze, how will I explain that he did it on our fireguardless mantle?’

STAGE 3: Anger & Bargaining.  ‘Get your 9 month old tooshie down from those stairs, right no boobie!’

STAGE 4: Depression.  ‘This is why we can’t have nice things!’

STAGE 5: The Upward Turn.  ‘Maybe the odd change here and there.  Ok so the Khardashians don’t have plug socket covers and stair gates, who the fudge likes them anyways, big buts with their perfectly polished marble flooring and hazardously sharp kitchen corners and finishings…’

STAGE 6: Reconstruction. ‘Click, click it’s the sound of the purchase!’

STAGE 7: Acceptance…

…And so here I am keys in hand ready to head out the door to pick up this monstrosity

and other much needed child caging devices, taking one last look at the remnants of my pre-baby years, Joni Mitchell’s Big Yellow Taxi playing loudly in my mind.  And then he toddles in, dragging my hand bag with him and well you know the rest, they’ll be other white sparkly surfaces and adult only living rooms…

1 Comment

  1. Paul Bert
    5th October 2017 / 12:14 am

    Doors are easy to find, try to fit them on the wall tho… Now that’s a challenge 😂

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